Skizz Stitchery, Incorporated

So, about that thing...

Remember that one time, like, a month ago when I said that I would be selling that one STARE sampler on the internet imminently?  Well, turns out that “imminent” means roughly 1 month.  Sorry about that.  

Anyway, that thing and a bunch of others that I didn’t make are for sale here:http://www.etsy.com/shop/AprilsArmy with funds going to support one of the millions of out-of-work households in the nation pay for their medical bills.  I know it feels like throwing a glass of water on a brush fire, but we have to start somewhere, right?

The latest piece of official Skizz Stitchery.  Let me tell you, the guy that commissioned this piece DOES NOT pay well.  In fact, it’s written into the contract that I actually have to buy HIM food, lodging, books, toys, plane tickets et al for the next 11 to 15 years.  I think I got ripped off.  

Anyway, Dr. Doofenshmirtz just told me to go buy some pizzazium infinionite, so see you later.

This is my contribution for the April’s Army June 2011 Shop.   If you really want to buy it, I think it’ll be going up on June 27 here: www.etsy.com/shop/AprilsArmy.  

The shop sells out pretty quick, so if you want something good (this or any other thing they have), be paying attention on Monday.

Also, just FYI, all proceeds from the shop go to somebody who needs money.  Last month it was someone whose house had burned down.  This month, I have no idea, sorry. 

This one just went out in the mail this morning for Arbitrary Day 2011.  You should do it next year. 

EXCLUSIVE!!! AVAILABLE FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY

The only limit on the amount of time this is available in the April’s Army Etsy shop is until somebody buys it.  It’s priced to move because there are (or were, most of them sold immediately) quite a few other similar pieces.  Shipping is $5 and will be by Pony Express or UPS, whichever is faster.

Go ahead and check out the whole shop here:  http://www.etsy.com/shop/AprilsArmy.  All proceeds this month are going to help out a woman whose entire apartment was destroyed last month in a fire.  I don’t believe the fire was related to communism.

• Question: Hey! Saw you on Reddit. What are your sizings? I really want one that says "Wake Up and Rage" in the center with the border saying "Fuck You Pay Me". - car-----gameon
• Answer:

  Well, I typically do stuff for easy-to-find frame sizes, like 5x7 or 8x10. Is this request a reference to the Chor Boys???

The following has been duly noted: It is not really anywhere close to St. Patrick’s Day.  The following following has also been duly noted: the person who commissioned this piece asked for it after St. Patrick’s Day so he was late, not me (I’m looking at you, Matt).  

Anyway, this is stitched on lovely white 14-ct Aida cloth and three (COUNT ‘EM) THREE colors of thread (green, other green and gold).  The frame has REAL WOOD INLAYS!!!!  

For those of you not in the know (and let’s be honest, why would you be?), see here: 

http://www.youtube.com/embed/nda_OSWeyn8?rel=0“ 

And so but here it is in all it’s glory.  A counted cross stitch sampler commemorating the truly epic Robsten Art butthurt/twitastrophe of May 2011 that reads, in monolithic block typeface, “PEOPLE ARE DYING OF COMMUNISM.”  It includes four (4) different colors of thread, one of which is a lovely shimmery gold that will really tie the room together.  The border text, which is stitched in the aforementioned lovely gold, reads “YOUMAYASWELLPUSHSOMEBABIESINFRONTOFAMOVINGTRAINORKICKSOMEKITTENSAROUND#POSTSOMETHINGTERRIBLE” in all caps, just like that.  You may notice that the use of hackneyed Communist imagery in a sampler that says “people are dying of communism” doesn’t really make any sense; that’s okay, neither does anything else in the world.  The frame is eleven (11) inches by fourteen (14) inches and matted to fit an 8”x10” picture, or in this case an 8”x10” piece of fabric and thread.   If the buyer so desires, I will also include a certificate of authenticity printed on extremely fancy paper (maybe, I’ll have to look and see if I have any and if not, it will just be on regular paper) that you can pass down through the generations until one of your great-grandkids takes it to Antiques Roadshow only to find out that it’s worthless.

It’s made with 14-count Aida fabric in the white colorway, DMC black thread, DMC pinkish thread, DMC sorta red thread (349), pure golden thread in the polyester materialway.  Beautiful non-vintage wooden frame, made in the U.S.A. but probably not by hand, purchased at Home Goods on Sunday the 15th of May, 2011. 
This, as well as several dozen other nearly identical pieces will be for sale on May 30th here: April’s Army Shop.  MSRP: $30 (unless nobody buys it, then make me an offer, but if you are too big a cheapskate I will replace the frame with twine and chickenwire. Actually, no, because that sounds kind of awesome.)

This is just a preview of the April’s Army Shop piece.  Tomorrow it will have some GlamourShots(tm) taken in front of some barn wood or some sheet music.  Or maybe some sheet music engraved/branded on some barn wood with a steampunk red hot poker.  

This piece will be for sale on the internet at some point.  When that point comes, I will leave you know.  

Okay, who will pay me to stitch this one?  It’ll be quick, I swear.